Yet another epiphany
by Angellufy
Summary: What if the sewer talk went differently? Angel finally has another epiphany. This time about his need to leave Buffy.


**What if Buffy h****ad behaved a little different during the break-up talk in the sewers?**

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Buffy stood in front of Angel with tears on her face.

"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you."

She was not lying. She wanted him with her as long her life allowed and she thought he would put that in his thick head. She wasn't prepared for his answer.

"I don't."

It took seconds for her brain to realize what he said. Numbness spread all over her body, but at the same time a rage she never knew she had started to take over. She slowly cleaned the tears of her face and stared Angel in the eye.

"Then, you are free to leave."

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"What?"

Angel raised his eyebrows together. This was not what he was waiting for. He thought she would scream, beg, and try to convince him otherwise. He was not waiting for the cold woman in front of him. It was almost as if he was seeing The Slayer for the first time. Angel felt his heart break. Didn't she love him anymore? Wasn't he important to her anymore?

"Yes, Angel. It is obvious you don't want me. You never did. I was always the one begging and forcing you to face your feelings. I won't beg again. I don't know why I spent my time trying to convince you that you belong here in the world… here with me. Every time someone tells you something, you are just ready to leave me in one second. I don't want to live with that fear anymore."

Buffy gave a sarcastic laugh and turned from Angel to stand near the tunnel entrance. She turned around and a sad smile was on her sad face.

"If not even an impossible snow rain could show that… how me, some school girl could change your mind, huh? I understand it now. I know what I feel, Angel. I am proud of the love I feel for you. You…"

She gave another sarcastic laugh.

"…you are just hiding behind the whole curse problem. Well, news flash! If someone could put a soul in you with a curse, there is some way to put a soul in you without it. I know that… and I am a damn blonde! We just have to try to find it. But you know what… You don't want it, that is ok. I won't beg you to stay here with me. If you want to go, then go… and I advise you to leave immediately."

Then, she moved towards Angel standing in front of him. He never felt intimidated by Buffy as in that moment.

"You know… I've seen your true face, I saw you drink blood countless times, I dreamed of the people Angelus killed wearing your face, but I never… ever… felt this… this disgusted with you. If you want me to have all that normalcy… believe me… I will. Now, let me ask you something?"

Buffy started to walk around Angel. He didn't move. If she staked him, he would welcome it. He had caused her so much pain he would do anything to erase it… even let her kill him.

"What kind of man are you? What kind of man leaves the woman he supposedly love to another man? How do you feel thinking of me in another man's arms huh? How do you feel thinking that another man will be inside of me… like you were once? In and out… in and out! Can you picture me trembling in his arms while pleasure rakes through my body?"

Angel's growls became higher and higher the more she presented pictures to him. He didn't want any of that. The demon in him was rebelling. He would rip every finger of any man that tried to touch what was his.

"Can you picture me carrying his child in my belly? A ring in the finger that should be carrying a Claddagh? CAN YOU? BECAUSE I CAN'T!"

Buffy screamed in his face, turned around and walked towards the tunnel. Then, she stopped and told him the final words without even look back.

"What if I find another souled vampire?"

She walked.

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Angel felt his control shattering. He growled loudly, marched determinately, grabbed Buffy's arms, span her around violently, and pushed her against his chest. When she looked up, she saw a furious vampire. Angel's eyes were yellowish and his unneeded breath was hitched. He just kissed her furiously.

Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him back with the fierceness he was applying on her. In a moment, she was being pressed against one of the tunnels walls.

Finally, Angel recovered his senses and released Buffy so she could breathe again. When, he spoke he did it between his teeth and was trembling while trying to keep control. He was so furious with her he was not able to move back to his human facade. He kept shaking his head trying to get free of the cloud of anger and desire in his mind, but nothing seemed to work.

"Where did you think you were going?"

"Away from you?"

He growled again. Buffy used a finger to design his lips. He moaned against it.

"Having trouble with your game face?"

He growled and pressed her against the wall.

"Never… ever… say any of that again. I don't want you with anyone, not if you still love me."

"Hey… I was showing you I would be able to have a normal life as so many people think I need."

He hissed again still shaking of the images she presented him before.

"Buffy… I… will… leave… my demon… free… to do what he pleases to any man who ever tries to touch you."

He breathed hard and finally lost his vampire visage. Buffy looked at him and the tears she had fought valiantly before came back.

"Then, don't leave me, Angel. I won't live that much. I am a slayer after all. Just give yourself to me. Let's find a cure for the damn curse. I know there is a way to solve it. I just know. I don't want anyone."

"But one day…"

"Angel. One day I may want more, I won't lie to you. But so will you… maybe one day you will love someone else and you will want to be free. In that event, I don't want you to feel guilty about it. It can happen. You will be always free to go… but don't leave me if you love me. That will break my heart in a million of pieces."

Angel leaned his head so their foreheads were touching. He finally realized his fear, like an epiphany.

"Buffy don't say it. I won't love anyone. Buffy…I am afraid… too afraid… of the day you won't want me anymore. I am a monster…"

"You are not a monster!"

"… and one day you will be sick of your creature of the night boyfriend. You will ask me to go away and it will break me because I don't know how to live without you. Please, don't leave me? Never leave me? Please…. Please… please…

"Oh, Angel"

Buffy kissed Angel gently and pampered his face with small kissed to clean his tears.

"You will be in college, find men and I…"

"You will be jealous for nothing. Don't you see? You are my everything. We don't know of tomorrow. You may be human again."

Angel laughed.

"Human? That would be good."

"It may happen, who knows. Will you unbreak the break up?"

Angel kissed Buffy's lip gently.

"You still my girl?"

"Always."


End file.
